I just had my first really big realization that I'm actually leaving.
I won't be starting school with my classmates. I won't be driving. I won't wake up in my bed. I won't see my mom. I won't text Alissa all day. I won't go to forensic's tournaments. I won't have journalism. I won't drive down Shaw to go to work. I won't even have "work" to go to. I won't cheer at football games. I won't get food with my friends before cheer practice. I won't have my cats. Everything I have now and do now will never be exactly the way it is again.
I don't want to say goodbye to anyone. I'm absolutely terrified about the day that I'll wake up and have to go to the airport and say goodbye. I'm not ready to leave my friends and my family. It scares me to death and I'm just not ready. I still have a little under a month and two weeks, yet it feels like I don't have enough time.
Even though I'm scared and not ready, I know I have to go. I'm certain that I want to do this and have the experience that I'll have. And if any exchange student ever says they're not scared, I can guarantee they're lying. This is so silly, because at the exact same time I'm thinking these things, I'm also thinking about how excited I am and how I can't wait to go. It's such a dramatic range of emotions and I couldn't possibly start to explain how I'm feeling.
For now, I'm just finishing up summer school, listening to Hungarian radio stations, and talking with other exchange students going to Hungary. I still haven't talked to my new first family, but I imagine I'll post once I actually have something to say about them.
39 days until my earliest departure. :) / :(